


Operation: Pet-Name

by imagining_supernatural



Series: Operation: Pet-Name [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Reader Insert, Use of Google Translate, fake engagement, really bad petnames, sickingly cuteness, tw: french
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2019-09-16 16:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16957626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagining_supernatural/pseuds/imagining_supernatural
Summary: In which Agents Y/N and Bucky agree to go undercover as an engaged couple planning a wedding in a suspicious beach town





	1. Phase 1: Bol’ v Moyey Zadnitse

          “We pulled that last year,” you whispered to Bucky. The two of you were completely ignoring the briefing Steve was going over. Something about a new mission in some town somewhere and people probably died or whatever. But the mood in the room wasn’t too tense, so you didn’t feel too bad about zoning everything out.

          Besides, this was much more important.

          “We put  _honey_  in  _Sam’s_  shampoo. This is  _hair dye_  in  _Steve’s_ conditioner,” Bucky whispered right back.

          See? Much more important.

          “What color?” The idea did have a lot of pull. Seeing Steve’s hair a bright pink… purple… blue… any color, really. That would be the best shit ever.

          “I was thinking—”

          “Y/N and Bucky,” Natasha said, drawing your attention back to the rest of the team and you looked up, trying not to look so guilty. She hadn’t said your names like she was calling you out; more like she was volunteering you for something.

          “Yeah,” Sam agreed with whatever Nat just said about the two of you. “They’re our best option.”

          “Of course, we are,” Bucky said, puffing out his chest to cover his own inattention. “We’re  _always_  the best option. Two of the most badass people in this room.”

          “Right,” you instantly agreed, hoping you weren’t agreeing to something stupid or boring. “We got this.”

          Nat and Wanda had smirks on their faces that made you instantly regret whatever you’d just agreed to do. Sam looked like he was about to burst a vein from holding back laughter and Tony and Steve just had amused grins on their faces.

          Everyone knew neither you nor Bucky had been paying attention. The cat was never in the bag to begin with, so it wouldn’t hurt anything to own up to it. “Okay. What did we just sign up for?”

          “Couples’ retreat,” Steve announced with a shit-eating grin. “Something’s going on down in St. Kino. You two just agreed to go do some recon for a few weeks.”

          Bucky leaned back in his chair, locking his hands behind his head. “Why do you all look so smug? Y/N and I basically get a vacation.”

          “You’ll have to pull of the  _couple_  thing.”

          You and Bucky shared a look and shrugged. See, everyone else was so adamant at pushing you two together in some sort of group plan to get you two to admit your feelings or some shit. But you and Bucky decided long ago not to let it get to either of you. You were both secure enough in your friendship that none of their misguided efforts could ruin anything.

          “So?” Pretend to be Bucky Barnes’s girlfriend while lounging on a beach, drinking a martini, and keeping an eye on the local thugs? There were worse things in the world.

          Bucky scooted his chair closer and threw his arm around your shoulder. “We got this, don’t we doll?”

          “Of course, snuggle-bear.”

          He scrunched his nose in distaste. “Snuggle-bear?”

          “Oh, that one is  _so_  sticking.”

          “Fine by me, baby girl.”

          “Baby girl?” You shook your head. “You gotta be more creative than that, dreamboat.”

          “I’ll work on it,” he promised with an eyeroll. “Sweetie pie.”

          “Weak.”

          “Princess?”

          Oh. “Save that one for the bedroom, gum drop.”

          His eyebrows shot up just as someone cleared their throat and you looked over to see everyone’s eyes still on the two of you. Steve leaned forward. “There is a catch.”

          “There’s always a catch.”

          Tony pushed a tablet towards you and you picked it up before settling yourself back under Bucky’s arm. Best to get as comfortable as possible before heading out into the field. “What’s this?”

          The screen was broken into four quadrants showing what appeared to be surveillance of a town. Tony motioned for you to swipe the screen, so you did and four more camera feeds replaced the original. You kept swiping and more and more feeds came up. The footage got increasingly more interesting as you got into what appeared to be private residences and hotel rooms and backrooms of bars.

          Bucky looked from the screen to Tony for an explanation. “Stark?”

          “FRIDAY found that there is a central server in St. Kino that has these feeds. There’s barely an inch of that town that isn’t covered by a camera. We need to know why.”

          “No privacy at all?” You asked, flicking through even more cameras. “At least it’s a gorgeous town.”

          “Once you two are in the town, you can’t drop your act for even a second.”

          “What about audio?”

          This time it was Nat who piped up. “Far as we can tell, the only thing that’s safe is sweet nothings and pillow talk. The cameras have mics that pick up almost everything.”

          “You two need to get into every part of that town you can without raising suspicion,” Steve said. “Get all the intel you can. FRIDAY will be keeping an eye on you when none of us can be monitoring the cameras. But we haven’t seen anything yet, so we don’t know who set up the cameras or why. That’s up to you.”

          It was a small, tropical town. There were the bigger tourist cities further up the coast, but this was a quaint town. People would notice someone new sniffing around. Towns like this, in your experience, were close-knit. It needed to be a hell of a reason.

          “You know,” you started, looking at your left hand pointedly. “I’ve always wanted to get married on a beach.” Then you shot Bucky a look filled with mischief. “And it has to be the  _perfect_  beach. You know, we have to check out this possible wedding destination at least a year before our wedding. Visit local bakeries, florists, bars, tattoo parlors—”

          “Tattoo parlors?” Steve broke in.

          “Of course. You really think I’d get through a bachelorette party without getting inked? Best to check it out before I get drunk though. You know how nights like that go.” Then you looked back at your best friend and waved your left hand between you two. “Whattya say, love muffin? Wanna put a ring on this finger and take a pre-honeymoon?”

          “Can’t wait to go ring shopping with you tomorrow,  _bol’ v moyey zadnitse_.”

          “Russian is cheating,  _mister_.”

          “But original,” he pointed out. That grin on his face let you know that whatever he said, he found hilarious. Which meant it was probably a stupid joke or something. You knew him far too well. That  _and_  the barely contained laughter on Nat’s face pretty much sealed the deal.

          “But original,” you reluctantly conceded.


	2. Phase 2: Meatfart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Agents Y/N and Bucky arrive at their destination and get into character

          “Fuck, maybe we should just move here.” You’d been in St. Kino’s for less than an hour and already you were in love. You know, if it wasn’t for the whole cameras in the hotel bathrooms thing. “Forget about work and family and just live right here on the beach.”

          Bucky laughed as he pulled you in closer to his side and kissed your forehead. “You know I’d do anything for you, angel dust.”

          “That’s a fucking drug, meatfart.”

          “You’re  _my_  drug, doll,” he said with a grin. “But meatfart?”

          “I just can’t hold in my love for you anymore than I can a disgusting fart after Steve’s meatloaf.” You sure hoped Steve heard that.

          In the last two weeks, you and Bucky started “dating” so that you would look even more normal and pass so much more easily as a couple preparing for their wedding. During that time, you’d slept in his room, he always made your coffee just how you liked it every morning, and you kept trying to outdo each other in stupid pet-names.

          And listening to Bucky’s loud laughter ringing out over the beach at your joke made you believe that you truly could pull this off. After all, the best relationships were just great friendships taken to the next level, right? You and Bucky had the closest friendship you’d ever had in your life and you’d both gotten over any sort of physical boundaries long ago.

          Yeah, faking this wasn’t going to be hard at all.

          “Meatfart,” he repeated, still chuckling. “That one’s going in the book.”

          Oh, the book. After about ten particularly strange pet-names in the course of two hours, you and Bucky had started writing down the  _Hall of Fame Pet-Names_  in a small notebook.

          “Speaking of books, when should we go sign into the hotel’s?”

          “Sick of the beach already?”

          “I smell like that old lady who was sitting next to me on the plane.” You pulled him to a stop on the beach and looped your arms over his shoulders, tilting your head up at him with a teasing smile toying with your lips. “And I’d rather smell like you. I do believe our hotel room comes with a bed that can make that happen.”

          “Mmm.” His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you tight against his body. “Is that so, sugar plum?”

          Nose wrinkling, you pulled away. “Sugar plum? Really, hun? You can do better than that.”

          He reached for your hand, not even bothering to hide his grin. “C’mon, bitchy-boo. Don’t be like that.”

          And this time it was your laughter echoing across the ocean. “Bitchy-boo? Shit, you’re forgiven, snuggle pants.”

          After rewarding that daring pet-name with a quick kiss, you pulled him back towards the rental car so you could get settled into the hotel room. As you checked in, you and Bucky kept getting off topic, asking questions about the best things to do around town, who to see for wedding crap, and being generally disgustingly in love.

          It was the most fun you’d had since you two had greased the sparring mats in the gym and watched Steve and Sam try to fight. They’d looked like two newborn foals and you and Bucky nearly died laughing.

          Once in your room, you crawled onto the bed, lounging back against the pillows. “ _Mon plus cher navet_ , why don’t you join me? A quick power nap will do us wonders before we go out tonight.”

          He grinned darkly, stalking over. “Babe, you really think we’ll be  _napping_  if I join you?” Then he stopped at the foot of the bed and cocked his head at you, brows furrowing. “Did you just call me a turnip?”

          “My  _dearest_ turnip,” you confirmed. “It sounds better in French.”

          “God, you are  _samaya strannaya repu_ , I swear,” he laughed while crawling up the bed until he was hovering over you. At your raised eyebrow, he translated his Russian. “The strangest turnip.”

          “One of these days, I’m going to learn Russian and I’ll surprise you.” Your voice got quieter and quieter and you were sure your eyes matched Bucky’s as the mood sobered and you two slipped slightly further into your  _mission mode_  as you tried to remember word for word everything you said. This was the first real step of your mission.

          Bucky picked up at the same volume you were speaking, dropping further into a whisper as he spoke. “But then how will I talk shit about you to your face?”

          “When has that ever stopped you in English? We’ve never shied away from the shit-talking.”

          “True.” His lips brushed yours just as your phone buzzed and you groaned. You and Bucky might just be friends, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy making out with him, as you’d discovered over the last two weeks.

          Still, you had a job to do. So you checked the message from Steve.

> **GOLDEN BOY:** _Did you land safely? How is it? One of these days you’ll have to take me and Sharon with you on a weekend vacation._

_One of these days._  That was the last part he heard from your and Bucky. Good. That was from the beginning of your conversation which meant you didn’t have to whisper too quietly to not be picked up by the audio.

> **Y/N:** _We’re all checked in and getting ready for the night. Next time Buck and I go somewhere, we’ll bring you along as long as you promise not to make your meatloaf ;)_

          Bucky laughed and fell onto the bed beside you, pulling you tightly into his arms. When he spoke, it was loud enough that Steve would be able to hear through the camera microphone. “If he’d manned up and proposed to her, they could be here scouting out wedding shit with us.”

          You elbowed him. “C’mon. Not everyone can be as sure about marriage as we are. It’s a big decision. I dare say we’re some of the few who know for sure it’s the right thing for us.”

          “Yeah,” he agreed with a soft gleam in his eyes, bringing one of his hands up to cup your cheek. “I dare say you’re right.”

          And just as he was about to kiss you again, your phone buzzed.

          “Oh, come  _on_!” you exclaimed. “Steve has the  _worst_  timing.”

> **Golden Boy:** _My meatloaf is delicious. Fuck you._
> 
> **Y/N:** _Bucky’s got that covered for ya. Just focus on your girl. (And you know I love your meatloaf)_

          “Heh,” Bucky grinned. “Meatfart.”


	3. Visage de Bijou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Agents Y/N and Bucky scout out the local bars

          “How many bars are there here?” You asked the bartender, sipping at the old fashioned you’d ordered. It wasn’t the best drink you’d ever had, but it was better than the one Sam tried to make you two months ago. Though, to be fair, a toddler could mix a better drink than Sam.

          “Not as many as there are up the beach in the bigger cities.”

          Interesting. The bartender seemed to be steering you away from this town. You’d think he’d be gunning for the business that a big bachelor/bachelorette party would bring.

          “I’ve never been the big city kind of gal,” you mentioned and Bucky nodded next to you. “Born and raised in small-town Colorado, met this hunk here in a small village in Italy, he proposed in upstate New York, and I’ve always wanted a beach wedding, so a small beach town just… fits, you know?”

          “Colorado, huh? I got an uncle in Denver.” Always be wary of people who wanted you gone and then suddenly offered up unsolicited information. That usually meant they were trying to trip you up.

          “Denver is great. I’m sure he loves it there. But I can’t stand all the traffic. I went for concerts every once in a while in high school and that was enough to let me know I wouldn’t be able to live there.” And the best way to learn what they wanted from you was to talk their ear off. “But, hey, if your uncle is a city kind of guy, I hope he likes it there. Just not my cup of tea.”

          “So where’d you grow up, then?”

          Ah. That was his angle. Testing for a lie. If you couldn’t come up with a  _small town_  in Colorado, then you had to be lying. Unfortunately for him, you were prepared. “Durango. It was a great place to grow up. And as soon as I saw St. Kino’s online, I just knew that this was the best place to start our life together,” you said, looking up at Bucky with an adoring look on your face. Bring the conversation back to the tropics and your mission. “It just  _felt_  like home. But, you know, instead of a desert and cacti, there’s a beach and palm trees.”

          “When we got off the plane, I knew this was the place,” Bucky took over. “She had that look on her face and I haven’t figured out how to change her mind when she gets it.”

          “So, uh, about the bars in this town? Clubs… any kind of place to celebrate?”

          The bartender still didn’t trust the two of you, but he gave you information anyway. You wrote down the names of the bars and clubs he gave you, thanked him for his time, finished your drink, and walked back to the street with your hand tightly held in Bucky’s. “Well, if  _he’s_  still working there next year, I’m not sure I want to stop there for our parties.”

          “We’ll let Steve know for when he plans this shindig. Hopefully the other places are more inviting.”

          The next place was just as cold and uninviting, but by the fifth, everyone you spoke with seemed to be thawing out. It was almost as if word was getting around town that you two weren’t going to take your wedding elsewhere and they might as well be civil and accept the business you were bringing their town.

          Whatever was going on in this town was strange. FRIDAY had been right to flag it. Besides the cameras literally  _everywhere_ , most of the people were just… odd.

          After a few hours of subtly interrogating the local business owners, you decided it was time to let loose. “Enough wedding shit, let’s go get drunk and fuck in a bathroom stall.”

          You pulled Bucky towards a club you had yet to go in, grinning at his laughter. “You’re so romantic, babe.”

          “Romance is my middle name.” Swinging around, you started walking backwards and framed his face with your hands so he could see your wide grin. His hands landed on your hips to guide you away from any obstacles you might have encountered, since you did not have eyes in the back of your head. “Besides, I’m starving and I read some reviews online that this place has the best burgers.”

          “What about fries? I know how horny you get for some good fries.”

          Schooling your features into a serious expression was difficult, but you managed to do it as you pulled to a stop on the sidewalk. “Oh my god. You know me so well, Buck. We should, like, get married or something.”

          “I have some news for you, pumpkin stud,” he grinned, grabbing your left hand and holding it up so the street lamp light glinted off the diamond on your finger. If anyone from your team was watching you right now, they were probably gagging at how over-the-top you were playing the  _freshly engaged, disgustingly in love_  shtick. But you were having the time of your life with your best friend, and isn’t that what being engaged was all about?

          Eventually you made it to the club despite a few more rounds of goofing off.

          “Opinion, snookum?” Bucky asked after you had your first bite of the burger.

          “The burger? Mmm… Good… Definitely worth it. The pet-name? You can do better,  _visage de bijou_. The fries though—” you ate another one just to be sure. “Don’t quite beat that joint on 3rd.”

          “I doubt any place will have better fries than they do.”

          You picked up the margarita you ordered and took another sip. “This though, I could see myself drinking this for the rest of my life on the beach.”

          “Yeah,” Bucky scoffed. “Then Sam comes up and dumps a bucket of water on you.”

          “I probably would have deserved it. Sucks that we won’t get to prank him until we get back.”

          “Shit.” Bucky’s eyes grew wide. “He’s going to have two weeks to booby trap our place.”

          Horror filled your own expression. “He and Steve… Fuck, they’re probably working on something huge right now.”

          “And if they get your girls in on it too?”

          A full twenty seconds passed while you two just stared at each other, lost in your wildest nightmares of the kinds of pranks everyone could be setting up for your return. You and Bucky spent most of your time planning pranks on everyone else in the team. They always tried to get you back, but nothing they did ever came close to what you and Bucky came up with.

          But now they had two weeks with you and Bucky nowhere around to plan and pull off an ultimate prank. That thought barely occurred to you before you whipped out your phone and started clicking around.

          “What are you doing?” Bucky asked.

          “Looking up flights home. We gotta get home and reclaim our territory. Fuck this wedding shit. Our lives are at risk the longer we’re away from home. Let’s see… soonest flight out is… in half an hour.”

          “We’re already fucked,” he declared, pulling your phone out of your hand. “They’ve had two days with the spare key to our apartment. Add another one for us go get home. Might as well enjoy our vacation while we can.”

          “I’m gonna need another drink.” You flagged down your waiter.


	4. Phase 4: Krasivaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Agents Y/N and Bucky discuss flowers

          The ringing of a phone was enough to wake you up and tempt you to throw it out the window. Luckily for the phone, your arms were trapped under Bucky’s. The time it took to free yourself was enough for you to calm down and answer with a cheerful, “Why the fuck are you calling so early, fuckface?”

          “It’s noon, Y/N.” Nat’s amused voice just made you more grumpy.

          “Yeah, and I’m on a fucking vacation.”

          “You’re there to scout wedding locations.”

          Ah. Right.

          The mission.

          “Fuck that, I just got engaged. I’m gonna spend two weeks with my fiancé in bed and on a beach and drinking margaritas and martinis and other alcoholic beverages that start with  _m_.” Next to you, Bucky’s chest rumbled as he chuckled and pulled you closer. You gladly snuggled further into him. “’Sides, jet lag is a bitch. Jet lag and hangovers are worse.”

          “Have Bucky kiss it all better and get a move on. As your maid of honor, it’s my duty to make sure your wedding is one for the books, so I’m gonna keep on you to keep looking around. You think St. Kino’s is a good wedding destination?”

          Read: Do you think there really is something hinky going on there?

          “Yeah. This is the place. But you know, I think you’re breaking up. Bad connection. I gotta go. Sorry.”

          At that obvious lie, you hung up and tossed your phone in the general direction of the bedside table. You weren’t sure if the town had some way of listening into your calls, but the team decided it was better safe than sorry. Every single thing you communicated to them had to be in code. Wedding code.

          And if the town really was listening into your calls then…

          “Nat suggested your kisses could cure my hangover,” you whispered to Bucky, loud enough for the mics to pick up. “Think she was right?”

          His grin was cemented in place on his face as he shifted until he was on top of you. There was a gentle ocean breeze from the open window and the cool metal of his fingers brushing against your cheek nearly had you believing your act. Less than a day and you were already deep in your fiancée role. “Sounds right to me,  _krasivaya_.”

          Meeting him halfway, you smiled into the lazy morning kisses. It barely felt like you were putting on a show for the cameras.

          Maybe you were both just  _that_  good of actors.

* * *

          “According to this website, these are the best flowers for a beach wedding,” Bucky said, handing you his phone.

          You scrolled through the list, smile growing. “We don’t need this one. You’re already going to be there, my dear, sweet, King Protea.”

          After accepting your nose-kiss, Bucky leaned in to look at the screen with you. “I actually like that one though. It’s not all…”

          “Bright and wedding-like? It says it’s dramatic, so it matches your personality.” He shoved your shoulder for that remark. You just wrapped your arm around his and looked back at the picture of the bouquet with the King Protea. “You’re right though. This is a nice one. I like the natural look of it. The dull pink and natural browns.”

          “We already have the beach, so we don’t need anything really flashy.”

          “Just your blinding smile.” Planning your wedding was definitely your calling. Being way too cheesy about everything was the absolute best.

          “You must be my two o’ clock appointment,” an older woman said, skirting around the overflowing flowers in her florist shop. “Oh, you are just the cutest couple.”

          “Thank you. I’m Y/N. This is hunk is my fiancé, Bucky.”

          “Lovely to meet you. I’m Doris. And did I hear that you actually have opinions on flowers?” She looked at Bucky with a smile. “It’s not often the groom can talk shop with the ladies in here.”

          “Oh,” you cut in with a mischievous gleam before Bucky could respond. “He  _definitely_  has opinions.  _Strong_  opinions. In fact, we first met in Italy when he told me that the pastry I’d just bought was the most disgusting thing he’d ever tried. Can you believe that? Telling a complete stranger they had terrible taste?”

          Doris laughed, quite enjoying the story. And it was actually true. That’s how he’d introduced himself. Of course, you were both on the same mission so it wasn’t a complete surprise when he’d come up. But still.

          “That’s when I knew we’d be great together. I never have to wonder where we stand on  _anything_  with him. Straight shooter, this one.” Your eyes wandered up to Bucky’s returning the soft smile he had at the memory. “No games.”

          “No games? Really, doll?”

          “With each other,” you quickly amended, thinking of all the pranks you pulled on everyone back home. “We do better if we’re on the same side.”

          “Unfortunate for everyone else we figured that out so quickly.” Bucky laughed softly. “I wonder if Sam found the surprise we left for him.”

          You hadn’t left any sort of surprise for him. But now he would be tearing his hair out trying to find one.

          Just then you remembered why you were here and looked around at the flowers. “Right. So yeah. Long way of saying that, yes. Bucky has opinions on everything. Even flowers.”

          Doris was watching the two of you the way that the old women watched the young couple in a rom-com. You’d completely fooled her. There was no hesitation in her eyes. No wariness at your true intentions. She truly believed you and Bucky were just two young fools in love, looking for the perfect wedding spot.

          “Let’s get started then! When are you planning on having your wedding?”

          “Next year. We were thinking July or August.”

          “And your wedding colors? Theme? Any ideas for that?”

          You shared a look with your fake-fiancé. “Not yet. That’s what this trip is for. We wanted to really get a feel for this town and the beach and everything. Make sure we’re not forcing an idea here that just won’t work.”

          “Smart. Well, we’ve got work to do!” Doris shuffled further into the shop and you followed, hoping you’d just found your  _in_  to the town. If you could get Doris wrapped around your finger, maybe you could figure out what was going on here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Krasivaya" means "beautiful" in Russian


	5. Baby Bugga-Boo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Agents Y/N and Bucky get sidetracked while coming up with a plan

          “I really do love it here,” you said later that night back in the hotel room. “Everyone is so nice and normal. It’s a great place for our wedding.”

          Read: We have made absolutely no progress because everyone seems so fucking normal despite the cold welcome yesterday and there is no reason why there should be cameras covering every inch of this place.

          “Yeah,” Bucky agreed, flopping down on the other side of the bed. He propped his chin up in his hand and looked at you with a lopsided grin. “Gonna make it harder to leave in two weeks.

          Read: How the hell are we going to find anything in two weeks?

          “Maybe we should extend our vacation. Whattaya say, baby bugga-boo?” Your eyes widened as the words left your mouth and you instantly wished you could take them back.

          Unfortunately, Bucky was already laughing so hard he nearly fell off the bed. “What the fuck? Baby bugga-boo? Shit, that’s going in the book.”

          “Hell no!” Before he could get off the bed, you jumped on him and started wrestling him for the upper-hand.

          “I’m starting a new book of  _The Absolute Worst Pet-Names Y/N Can Come Up With_. It’s like a hall of fame, but a hall of shame instead.”

          You were both trained fighters. Him by HYDRA, you by the Avengers. But this wrestling match? It was not a fight between two soldiers. This was a fight between two friends. Limbs were everywhere and it really shouldn’t have surprised you when the two of you fell off the bed. The brief moment of shock was all it took for Bucky to get the upper hand and trap you underneath him. Sure, you could have gotten out of the hold, but you’d run out of energy.

          “How’s it feel to get beat by baby bugga-boo?”

          “Oh, it’s  _on_.” That energy you’d just lost? Well, it was back in full force. Unfortunately for you, your skill set with the Avengers wasn’t as subtle as being a super soldier. And with the cameras, you couldn’t use your energy or paralysis blasts.

          So it wasn’t long before Bucky had you against the wall, immobilized.

          “What do you have to say for yourself, toots?”

          “Oh, fuck you.”

          He grinned, releasing his stiff hold now that the fight was over and moving in closer. “That was the plan, bugga-boo.”

          “That one’s not gonna die, is it?”

          That grin he had was doing something to you. Something you weren’t so sure you wanted to admit to. “Not on your life.”

          His head dipped and you felt his lips trail across your jaw. With a long sigh, you relaxed against the wall, letting your head fall backwards to give him more access. Cameras or not, act or not, you found yourself enjoying your best friend’s lips far more than you probably should. Before you came here, you’d had a discussion about handling the newly engaged honeymoon phase with cameras in the bedroom. There was no way two newly engaged people such as yourselves would abstain from sex. You wouldn’t be able to come up with a reason that would convince whoever was sitting on the other side of the cameras.

          So you’d both decided to fake it. Once you were under the sheets, it was just part of the act. No one would be able to tell whether you did the deed or not.

          But with his hands on your waist, lips on your neck, and heartbeat against yours, you were falling into a hole and getting closer to a line that couldn’t be uncrossed. Your own fingers tugged his shirt up and started exploring the muscles and scars on his back.

          “Bucky,” his name fell from your lips in a whisper, too quiet for the microphones.

          “Mmm?” He didn’t stop. Instead, he nipped at your pulse, making your heart stutter.

          “Shit, Bucky.” You tangled your fingers in his hair and pulled him back far enough to press your forehead to his. This conversation was for you and him only. No other listening ears. “I told Doris today that you’re a straight-shooter. I… I gotta be straight with you now.”

          No games. That’s what you said.

          You had to live up to that.

          His blue eyes bore into yours, waiting.

          “I don’t know what’s going on here. It might just be the beach, the situation… I don’t know. But…” With a hard swallow, you tried to come up with the words, but any letters were stolen from your lips when he kissed you softly.

          “I know, Y/N. I get it.” Another soft kiss. “It’s not really an act between us anymore, is it?”

          Relief flowed through you. You were both on the same page. “Not, it’s not. Not anymore, baby bugga-boo.”

          A playful growl escaped his throat as he picked you up and fell onto the bed, trapping you under his body. “Oh, princess. You asked for it.”

          “Bring it, fartmeat.”

          He dropped his head to your shoulder for a moment, hiding a smile and laughter. “God, we’re so ridiculous, aren’t we?”

          “That’s what makes us work. Now kiss me like you mean it,  _pépite d'amour.”_

          And, as seemed to be a pattern, your phone decided that this was the best moment to ring. With a frown on his face, Bucky grabbed your phone and answered. “You  _really_  need to work on your timing.”

          It sounded like Sam’s voice on the other end and you groaned. This phone call was never going to end. He and Bucky were going to get into an insult fest and that would lead to something else and next thing you knew, an hour would go by.

          Bucky rolled off of you and tucked you into his side. “You’re just jealous that you’re stuck working and I’m in the tropics with my gorgeous fiancée.”

          Grabbing Bucky’s hand, you brought the phone to your ear for a moment. “Sam, you suck. I’m gonna go grab some food and when I get back in half an hour, you better be done with  _my_  fiancée. We’ve got a conversation to finish.”

          “Do they have Chinese takeout down there?” Sam asked with a little too much inflection to be a casual question. Maybe that was the reason he called.

          “Oooh. Eggrolls  _do_  sound good. You’re nearly forgiven. And our apartment better be booby trap and prank free when we get home.” After giving Bucky a quick kiss and shooting a farewell  _fuck you_  to Sam, you grabbed your shoes and purse and headed out.

          The Chinese place… It was a few blocks over. Why did he want you to go there? Whatever it was, you had to check it out. So you walked through the town, marveling at its beauty while keeping an eye out for anything… weird. Whatever it was, he was able to see it through the cameras so…

          You rounded the corner and almost started up the street the Chinese place was on when you saw the first bartender you spoke with walking towards you. There was something furtive about his actions, so you patted your pockets and checked in your purse, pretending like you’d forgotten your wallet and just now realized before turning around and slowly walking away, all while keeping an eye on him in the reflection of the windows of the passing shops.

          Just before you would have had to lose sight of him, he stopped at what appeared to be a regular brick wall. Except when he pushed on a brick, part of the wall slid inward to reveal a hidden door. He walked in and it closed, becoming just another wall.

          Interesting.


	6. Phase 6: Zvezda Imbirya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Agents Y/N and Bucky execute their plan

          “Sunrise or sunset?” Bucky asked as the colors started disappearing over the ocean. With sleep-deprived eyes, you glared at him.

          “This really wasn’t necessary. There is no way in  _hell_  I’m getting married at sunrise. I’m never fucking waking up this early ever again.”

          He grinned, taking way too much pleasure in dragging you out of bed at the asscrack of dawn so you could sit together on the beach and watch the sunrise over the water. “I know, sweet cheeks. This was payback.”

          You threw your arms up as he started walking away from you. “Payback for what? Bucky! What the hell did I do?”

          He waited until he was on the boardwalk before stopping to face you. “Got me all riled up last night then fell asleep right after we ate.”

          While that was a lie – you hadn’t fallen asleep  _right_  after you’d eaten because you’d been updating him on what you’d seen when you went to get food under the guise of pillow talk – you knew what he was really getting at. Your relationship was on uncertain ground and the two of you couldn’t exactly hash out the details of everything with everyone listening in.

          Still though… he could have found a better way than waking you up before the sun even came up.

          “That was fucking Sam’s fault. I was seconds away from tearing your clothes off when he called. Then I forgot my wallet and had to walk back and… if Sam hadn’t called, we could’ve had round one, called some delivery in, and gone all night.”

          “Really?”

          Once that line was crossed between you two, it could never be uncrossed.

          But you were sure. So you looped your arms over his shoulders and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “We can head back to the hotel room right now and I’ll show you what could’ve happened last night.”

          “ _Really_?” This time his arms circled you and pulled you tightly against his body and there was a spark in his eyes. Sure, there were cameras, and sure your team was watching. But they would assume any sex was faked, and the people watching from the town would assume it was real either way.

          However, you really didn’t want any cameras getting any of this.

          And just like that, you knew how to end this mission. Third day in and you could figure out what the hell was happening in this town.

          Going up on tiptoes, you kissed your way up to Bucky’s ear and pretended to whisper your dirty plans to him. “Walk past the Chinese place and push me against the wall. I’ll accidentally open the door and we can be innocent, curious people, figure this out, and be back home in the privacy of your room soon enough. I’ll show you how serious I am once we’re back in New York.”

 _“Chert, ya tebya lyublyuj,”_  he growled, fingers digging into your hips. You pulled back with a question in your eyes, but he didn’t translate. Instead, one of his hands tangled in your hair and he pulled you in for a bruising kiss, like he couldn’t get enough. “Let’s get back to our room, doll.”

          By the time you made it to the street with the Chinese place and hidden door, you were ready to just say  _fuck it_  and high tail it to the hotel room, cameras be damned. Bucky couldn’t keep his hands off of you and it was contagious. Your laughter rang out across the street as he tried to keep walking while he was bent down enough to kiss your neck. “Sugar cakes, we’ll be at the room soon.”

          “Can’t wait that long,” he growled, dropping his hands to your hips and pushing you against the wall just as you’d planned. For nearly thirty seconds, you got lost in his kisses, completely forgetting why you were at this particular spot in the town. PDA was never your thing before, but apparently you’d never been with the right guy because you could do this all damn day in plain sunlight. Thank god your team had volunteered the two of you for this mission.

          Mission.

          Shit.

          Right.

          With all of your self control, you pushed him enough until you’d switched places and the wall was at his back. In your peripheral vision you could see a brick that had a loopy design carved in the corner, but most of your attention was on the devilish grin Bucky aimed your way.

          “You, my friend, are insatiable.”

          “Only when it comes to you,  _zvezda imbirya_.”

          That look in his eyes matched the one he got whenever you played a prank on Sam and you raised your eyebrow while threading your fingers with his metal ones and holding them against the wall beside his head, just a few inches shy of the brick you needed. “Translate bugga-boo.”

          He just laughed. “Let’s just say if you ever decide to become a Russian stripper, you already have a great name picked out.”

          “Oh my god, I hate you so much,” you said with a bright grin just before you kissed him. A few seconds later, your joined hands had inched over enough to press the brick and the wall at Bucky’s back shuddered and slid inward, making the two of you lose your balance.

          “What the fuck?” Bucky muttered, playing the part and looking behind him in confusion.

          “A secret passage?” You asked, pretending like your curiosity was piqued. “This really is the perfect wedding town. Even has its own mystery. Let’s check it out.”

          “Y/N, I don’t think—”

          “C’mon,  _abs de l'acier._  Where’s your sense of adventure?” Grabbing his hand, you pulled him into the dark passage way, hiding your flinch when the door shut behind you two. This definitely hadn’t been on any of the cameras that FRIDAY hacked. A few minutes and several flights of stairs down, you pushed back a curtain and saw what this town was hiding.

          “Well, fuck.”

          Rows upon rows in this secret underground bunker were full of cages of people and humanoid creatures. Bucky took a few careful steps forward and plucked a binder from the nearest cage to flip through the pages.

          “Goddammit, they’re experimenting. Creating mutants. Like a knockoff HYRDA.”

          “You can’t be here!” The bartender from the first night started running towards you two and reached towards his pants – for a gun, presumably – but you were quicker, extending your arms towards him and releasing a burst of paralytic energy that had him stopping dead in his tracks.

          “You’ve got some things to answer for,” you said, feeling sick to your stomach at everything here. A glance behind you told you that Bucky was calling your team, leaving you to watch the bartender. It wouldn’t be long before this was all over. “And your old fashioned tasted like shit. It’s too bad they won’t let you work on that in prison.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bol’ v moyey zadnitse is "Pain in my ass" in Russian


End file.
